I started from shock

I started from shock. Shock value of literature, that’s what kept me to read more. Then I told myself, “Hey, I think the same.” I imagined myself writing to achieve the effect then the imagining stopped and my hands never rested since.

High school ako noon, 3rd year. Sumali ako sa isang reading comprehension contest sa Filipino. May pinabasa sa amin na maikling kwento. Nahabaan ako, halos limang pahina yata iyon tungkol sa magkasintahang magnanakaw at pokpok. May parte tungkol sa mainit na pagtatalik at nagtapos ang istorya na namatay ang magnanakaw, duguan ang katawan sa kalye at tinakpan na lang ng mga dyaryo. Sa parte ng pagtatalik, mahusay at graphic kasi ang pagkakasulat, ay nagtatawanan at nagkakantyawan na kami ng mga kalaban ko sa contest.

I think I never recovered from that shock. I told my friends about it then we started looking for literature (as if we know what that means by that time) books and lit folios our older cousins and sibs who are in college keep in their shelves. Then we read. The things we read were too raw, too angsty, too ideliastic and subversive and carefree. We devour their poems peppered with curse, we embraced their stories barbwired with drugs and guns and sex. We never knew it could be done in literature! After that, high school never felt so narrow and oppressive for our free spirits. We became excited to go to college. We cannot wait to start cursing in our writings and glamorize our emotions, and be included in those lit folios, and be famous.

Bakit ba ako numo-nostalgia? Kasi galing ako sa lecture ng UGAT kanina. Chikahan na naman tungkol sa pagsuuslat, malamang. Narinig ko naman na ang mga patama ni Reuel sa amin: bakit ka nagsusulat, para kanino ka nagsusulat, gusto mo ba talagang magsulat.

At anong kinalaman ng pagnonostalgia ko sa pagsusulat, at sa shock value? Inisip ko lang, dati tuwang-tuwa na ako na basta mashock lang ako ng isang texto ay gandang-ganda na ako. (Biktima din naman ako nito, puro ganito nga sinusulat ko dati) Basta may twist sa dulo, may sipa sa ending na hindi inaasahan, obra maestra na. Pero ngayon pakiramdam ko rin hindi na kaya isalba ng estilo at mga pasagob sa ending ang pinakamahahalagang tanong tungkol sa pagsusulat. Lalopa kung pumustura kang nagsusulat tungkol sa “buhay” (heavy yun, yun ang pasabog).

Yet, I’m surprisingly ending my day in shock. Though I have told myself before, after all this years, that nothing surprises me now and nothing will. So, I guess I’ll still be writing for quite sometime.

Advertisements

About Pol

https://northfort.wordpress.com/ View all posts by Pol

2 responses to “I started from shock

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: